The Joy of Choking

One of my favourite pastimes is illegal. But I shall keep at it. Come arrest me.

 

 I enjoy being choked, and choking others. Both are against the law. Of course, they’re dangerous, although it’s easy to find ways to minimise the danger; but then, many activities humans engage in and enjoy are dangerous. Drinking, skiing, rock climbing, playing rugby, riding a motorbike; hell, getting married, if you’re female. Why are none of these against the law? What is the law doing in my bedroom, dictating how two consenting adults should behave with each other? Doesn’t that seem an odd, old-fashioned way to behave? Homosexual sex was decriminalised in 1967. You might imagine that ushered in a newly liberal age where people could engage in any sexual activity with consenting adult humans they pleased, but no: in the 1980s it was ruled that consenting to being hurt was not a valid legal defence.

 

Only in the bedroom, you understand. Obviously you can consent to being hurt during boxing matches, wrestling, mixed martial arts, any of which children might be watching. This law isn’t about protecting the innocent. It’s about controlling people’s behaviour.

 

Choking is fun. It brings about the most intense sensation of euphoria. This is why many men have inadvertently strangled themselves when playing alone. Don’t play alone. Play, obviously, with someone you know well and trust. Get their consent first, as you would with any other sexual act. Understand and respect that consent can be withdrawn at any moment. As the gambling sites say – there’s another horrible dangerous practise that’s still, weirdly, legal – when the fun stops, stop. That’s good advice, whatever you’re doing.

 

Some 16% of adults have been strangled during consensual sex, according to a survey by government-funded organisation Institute for Addressing Strangulation: https://ifas.org.uk/ If their figures are right, that means around 9 million of us have done something illegal, and clearly it can’t be that bad for your health, or Britain’s traffic problem wouldn’t be nearly so severe. And doesn’t it seem odd that with the economy in such an apparently parlous state the government are choosing to spend money on telling people what they can do with their own bodies, from a plush central London office?

 

Of course pornography is blamed for choking, as it’s blamed for all society’s ills. In fact, it’s quite difficult to find choking in pornography. Believe me: I try often. Many huge porn sites – Onlyfans, for example – ban the practise. Not only strangulation, but also smothering and dunking someone’s head in a bucket, also enormous fun, also not allowed.

 

The Centre for Women’s Justice point out that asphyxiation is the second most common method of killing in cases of female homicide. 18 women were killed this way in 2024, compared to 14 men. That’s bad. Murder is bad. That’s why it’s illegal. Care to hazard a guess which was the most common method of murder? Sharp objects. 262 people in the UK were murdered this way in 2024. Where is the government funded organisation to keep adults away from knives, given they’re eight times likelier to be used to kill? Oh, there isn’t one. Isn’t that odd. Almost as if the new laws around strangling are more about controlling our behaviour than keeping us safe.

 

Around 75000 people die of smoking related illnesses each year. Smoking remains legal. The government may run campaigns against it, but they won’t actually put you in prison for lighting up. Smokers are around 11% of the UK population, so slightly fewer than the proportion that enjoy choking. Smokers are blessed with vastly more rights, despite their hobby being considerably more deadly. They even cause harm to those near them, including children, and adults who haven’t consented. Still legal.

 

My friend Richard tells me his last three girlfriends have asked him to choke them. Being an obliging charmer, he obliged, and learned how to do it safely too. Despite this, there is an organisation called ‘We can’t consent to this’, whose entire raison d’être is pointing out that women are too thick to understand what they’re asking for: that elects to place women in the same category as children. And they call themselves feminist. I object to being treated as a child. I can consent to this. I do, as often as possible, and plan to continue.

 

Come arrest me.